The Kollector

The industry friend we stayed with in Greenbelt is fan huge fan of the 70's megasensation rock band that is known as KISS®™©™. I've known about this for years, but never broached the subject with him until this past time around while staying with him and his family.

You see, when I was really young, I too was a major KISS®™©™ fan and was completely obsessed fascinated by them. [And this is not something I am very proud of today]. I listened to their music, read a lot about them and even to this day have a small Klassic KISS®™©™ Kollection. Turns out our friend is a Kollector too.

He seemed surprised and excited once he found out I used to be such a fan and The Kollector immediately began showing off his collection. In fact, the next FOUR days all The Kollector wanted to do was eat, breathe and sleep KISS®™©™.

[Okay. This is why I never mentioned the subject to him in previous years].

The Kollector ended up giving me this:



A display for photographer Barry Levine®™©™'s book on KISS®™©™.

TK: "Dya'ever see the KISS®™©™ pencils they came out with in the 70's, Lioux?"

L: "No."

TK: "Well now you OWN one."



[?]

Next he showed me his complete set of Mego®™©™ KISS®™©™ dolls. Which didn't impress me all that much, seeing as I already have a set myself. I even have two more that are still in their original packaging.



During our stay, SK®™©™ wanted to take The Kollector's family out to dinner on our free night to thank them for their hospitality. TK has two daughters, one who is Nine [And chose the restaurant we should go to] and the other Thirteen.

The restaurant Nine chose was a theme restaurant back in VA. About 40 minutes away.

*sigh*

It's her favorite.

Anyway we all got ready to go out to dinner and began converging in the living room when The Kollector came out of his bedroom wearing this:



[The pattern is repeated on the front].

Thirteen: [obviously embarrassed] "You are NOT wearing that are you, dad?"

TK: "Sure am."

And did.

Being there was eight of us all together, we divided up into two vehicles. TK's wife Mimi took the girls, Marconi and Alienwhere in her car while Elle and I rode with TK in his Mini Cooper®™©™.

Elle climbed in back and I sat shotgun. Since it was going to be a a bit of a ride to the restaurant, TK thought it would be fun to see if I could stump him with KISS®™©™ trivia and vice versa.

L: "Ummm. I can't think of anything off the top of my head."

TK : "Okay. I'll start..."

He then proceeded to ask a bunch of questions only a true KISS®™©™ fan would know. Poor Elle. Occasionally she'd chime in with a fun fact, like how one of her BFF's once dated drummer Eric Carr®™©™'s cousin for a year in hopes of changing the subject.

Nope, didn't happen.

TK kept bringing the conversation back to KISS®™©™ trivia.

*sigh*

We FINALLY arrive at the mall the restaurant is located in and regroup with the others. We work our way through the mall and to the food court. TK and the family stop in their tracks, look around and at each other in confusion. And that's when Alienwhere and I look at each other with the realization we just drove over 40 minutes [I didn't even mention the traffic we got caught up in] to eat at a restaurant THAT. WAS. NO. LONGER. THERE.

[I Know].

So Mimi throws out another suggestion, to which we go and check the mall map to see where THIS restaurant is located. And Guess what? Yep. That one's gone too. At this point I'm getting really hungry, and when I get hungry, I get cranky, and when I get cranky...I need a drink. We finally decided on TGIF®™©™'S as there was a tangible location standing right before us. Not really a place I like to eat, but they do serve booze and I think Alienwhere was getting to the point he needed a drink too.

Dinner was relatively KISS®™©™ Konversation free which was nice seeing as the night before Elle, Marconi, The Kollector and I had gone to a diner after the SK®™©™ show and that's ALL we talked about. TK owns a copy of KISS®™©™ Meets The Phantom Of The Park®™©™ and I was joking around with him about how bad the acting was and throwing out some of the more ridiculous quotes here and there. When we had gotten back from the diner TK even wanted me to stay up and watch KMTPOTP®™©™ with him.

As annoying as all the recurring KISS®™©™ themes kept going, I must admit The Kollector actually has something in his Kollection I was entertaining myself with throughout our stay. TK's pièce de résistance:



YES!!! An original KISS®™©™ pinball machine from the late 70's in perfect working order! TK brought it out of storage when he finished off the basement. Most of my downtime spent at the house was playing this machine, whether I was playing against multiple SK®™©™ band mates, The Kollector or just alone. [TOTALLY mopped the floor with Marconi's face]. I was annoying everyone by playing it so much. You could hear all the machine's bells and whistles throughout the house. I couldn't stop. I was obsessed with pinball.

"Lioux's at it again..."



Alienwhere even started calling me "Tommy" <--[You know. The Pinball Wizard].



[I had have a problem].

There was one final surprise The Kollector had for me. The last morning Sister Kisser®™©™ was staying with them, TK's wife Mimi made breakfast burritos for the band.

TK: "Hey Lioux, would you like some hot sauce for that?"



L: [?]

TK: "It's Gene's®™©™ Hotter Than Hell®™©™ sauce."

L: "Ummm. No, Thanks. I'm good."

[Wait. I certainly hope THAT'S not from the seventies. Ewww].

Day 6 - Greenbelt

Our publicist met up with us at our Richmond show and traveled with the band for the remainder of the trip. Our next stop was Greenbelt, Maryland. Before leaving Richmond the next day, Alienwhere and I insisted on making our usual pilgrimage to one of our favourite spots ever. [Which Alienwhere will be posting about shortly].

We left Richmond around 1:30PMish as it was supposed to be a light travel day and we'd be to Greenbelt in only a few hours.

WRONG.

We once again hit torrential downpours coupled with heavy, slow moving traffic. Marconi did all of the driving on this leg of the trip and we didn't get to our destination until after 5:00PMish.

The band has another industry friend in Greenbelt whose family is kind enough to let us stay in their home when we're travelling in the area. YES!!! No more crappy hotel rooms! We had two shows to do in Greenbelt over the next few days, and then our last show was in Arlington Sunday night. So we ended up staying with our friends until we headed back to Jersey/New York early Monday morning.

This time around was really nice, as our friends had just finished off their basement and set the band up with an giant air mattress and a few couches. The room itself was really big and we were all comfortable with our new accommodations. We even had a large screen TV to watch movies, and a pinball machine (much more on that in a bit) to entertain ourselves.

By the time we got to the house, and this is soooo typical, we didn't have much time to settle in before having to get ready, clean ourselves up a bit and leaving for the night's gig, which most awesomely, was located literally only moments from where we were staying.

Scooby Doo And The Case Of The Drunken Waitress

L: After being freshly inked, it was off to the next club for the next show. This time we had to show up extra early, as there was no hired sound man for the night. We had also invited some friends, an amazing duo from the D.C. area to open for us.

This was also the show one of our PR people was meeting up with us on the road for the remainder of the trip.

Load in and set up went really well. I helped Marconi set up the club’s sound system and he did most of the sound adjustments throughout the night for both of the bands.

I was surprised to meet and talk to people who actually TRAVELED to see the band. One woman who had seen us at both Richmond dates last year had moved to Silver Springs, MD and drove all the way down to come back and see us. A couple of guys told me they had traveled more than two hours to come see our show and couldn’t wait until we took the stage. Another club patron had gotten there really early and watched us, intently, as we sound checked. A short while later, just before we were going to start, our waitress came over and told us this patron wanted to buy a round of drinks for the Sister Kisser members.

WOO HOO!!!

The turnout was amazing. We’ve played this club many, many times and I can honestly say it was the largest crowd we’ve ever played to for this particular venue. Not only was the show well attended, but everyone seemed to really enjoy the set and even prodded us on for some encores.

We did pretty well merch-wise also, selling a bunch of our t-shirts and CD’s.

So all in all it was a great night. We played well to an AWESOME crowd, met some cool and interesting Fans and Listeners, saw some old friends and faces and did pretty well for ourselves this night.

Now we’ll be traveling with two vehicles to our next destination, Greenbelt, MD.

A Trip To The Tattoo Parlor

A: Lioux, Elle, and I all decided to commemorate our excursion this time around with some fresh ink. Marconi decided to be a douche nozzle and not participate in this oh-so-fun activity. We went to a reputable place right near where we were staying, Painful Pete’s.

Painful Pete, as we found out, had a long and storied career. His apprenticeship began at an early age, when at 14 he started studying the art of body adornment under the tutelage of Angry Artie in Des Moines. Artie’s shop was one of the best known in that part of the country, and Pete saw quite a bit of action in those days. He stayed on for 8 full days, experiencing a lifetime of knowledge in that time.

From there he traveled to Hong Kong, to study Asian-inspired design and get a feel for the art on that side of the world. He returned with a series of new pieces that he would soon introduce to the western world, including the dragon, and the unicorn. The weekend spent in the Orient would serve him well throughout his life.

He returned, slightly older, somewhat wiser, but with no roots. He got a chair in a shop in Bayonne, and over the course of 11 hours he inked a jaw-dropping 327 people on a very special and busy Memorial Day. He even gave himself a tattoo to remember the special achievement, a flag with an eagle next to it.

He finally opened his own shop, at the age of 15, just after his birthday on June 1, in a small suburb of Richmond known as Glen Allen. To this day he operates one of the most well-regarded and widely respected temporary tattoo parlors on the entire east coast of the US.

Thanks, Pete.

How I Don’t Like To Be Roused From My Abbreviated Slumber

Day 5 – Richmond

A: We stayed up later than we probably had anticipated after the show last night. Lioux and I needed a nightcap after we got back, and we were laughing about some things and teasing each other because we find it endlessly amusing to do that. I took a late shower and finally fell asleep late, after everyone else was out already. I think it was almost 3 AMish, and I knew we had to be out the door by 9 AMish, so I was starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me, when I fell asleep and stopped thinking altogether.

Elle and I have been sharing concrete slabs in each hotel, so we were bed partners again last night. We keep talking about how we’re going to fart on each other and beat one another severely in our sleep, but we usually just end up passing out and forgetting the battles yet to ensue. Nevertheless, she’s used to getting up very early, as she has two little boys who are in the habit of making that happen. She’s usually the first one up in the room, because she likes to shower and get ready for the day without holding anyone up. She’s a peach that way, all considerate and such.

However, she sometimes lets details get by her. Like this morning. She’s been sporting these metal jangly bracelets on her left wrist this past few days. She’s quite into them. She’s so into them, in fact, that she couldn’t wait to put them on this morning as she was getting ready and we were still (trying) to sleep.

So I’m fighting the sun against my eyelids as it is, feeling a hot stiffness in my neck from the slab, thinking about how I was going to function today, when I started hearing it…

[Jingle-jing-jing-jing-jingle-jing-jingle]

[Wha?]

[Jing-jing-jingle-jingle-jing-jing-jingle-jing-jing]

[Surely she’s kidding.]

[JINGLE-JING-JINGLE-JING-JING-JING-JINGLE-JING-JING]

[She’s dead in her sleep tonight.]

For whatever reason, rather than leave them off until she was done brushing her teeth, doing her hair, fixing her makeup, getting completely dressed, packing her last few things back up, looking for a room key, looking for a set of car keys, and every other GODDAMNED THING she could think of, she decided to just, you know, throw ‘em on. Just ‘cuz.

I just asked her why she did put them on, and she told me they never come off. Apparently she slept with them on and I never heard them.

[Right.]

The Show

A: Right, so, small crowd, big room, we sounded ok, Asheville can suck it otherwise. The end.

On The Run

After getting back to our room after souvenir shopping, Alienwhere and I not only realized our emergency ration kit whiskey was dangerously running low, but that the club we were playing that night (which we’ve played before) only served beer.

[Panic].

For those of you who don’t know, Alienwhere is a whiskey drinker, and my drink of choice is vodka.

While at the front desk getting a toothbrush to clean his shoes, Alienwhere inquired where the nearest liquor store was. THANK GOODNESS there was one not to far from the hotel so he and I grabbed the van keys and went off on our liquor run.

A: heh. It was called “Frugal McDoogal’s Liquor Warehouse”. You can only imagine how awesome that trip was…

Souvenirs

A: One of the things we all like about being on the road in new places is trying to find the most insane souvenirs to bring back, usually basing our criteria on some level of humor and/or inappropriateness, but this can also be a kind of trophy, as Marconi’s most prized take-home was a hat actually worn by a real Waffle House waitress. He believed, and rightly so, that a hat bought from a store, or online isn’t as meaningful as one that saw battle action in the trenches of the heart attack factory that is Waffle House. I usually make an attempt to find either the most whacked-out t-shirt or shot glass or whatever. Well, one of the great things about being in the South is that there is NO shortage of insane crap, with wildly inappropriate things printed on them. Here are some faves from yesterday.





“I Pledge Allegiance To The Flags” - And that would be the flags that signal the end of a Nascar race, and a flag the represents the very best ideals our country used to embrace in certain parts - slave ownership, incest, and secession. Wearing this hat actually makes you dumber.





“Ditch The Bitch – Let’s Go Drinkin’” – Ah, what a robust and well-intentioned statement about one’s priorities. We’ve all been there. The double-wide has a leak that you don’t feel like fixin’, the kids are screaming, you’re fresh out of beer, and that goddamned old lady is harpin’ on you to get off your shiftless ass and do something. Is there anything else that needs be said at this point? Ditch the bitch, let’s go drinkin’.





Just after you’ve ditched the bitch, and before you head out for a big night/afternoon/morning of drinking, you may want to throw on this prize. Clearly articulating your intentions in being out and about, and leaving no room for misinterpretation, this little number saves countless minutes of explanation when you go out behind the dumpster for some face time with the toothless skank who you met by the cigarette machine. Yes, “I Fuck On The First Date” tells the world that you’re a man of distinction, with refined tastes and a sense of propriety that nobody’s taking away from you.





Not a t-shirt this time, but COMPLETELY racist and horribly inappropriate. The last time we were here, I brought home a variety of these for my close friends and was welcomed with hugs and tears of joy. We actually saw these in two places, one of which was a shop that was staffed by a burly black man, and I just could not for the life of me imagine how hard he would hit me if I brought one up to the counter to purchase it. Utter hilarity.

L: Fans and Readers, You can’t imagine the look on my face when Alienwhere and I first laid eyes on this display.





And the winner, at least for me, is this. “Whiskey Makes Me Frisky”. I walked past this at least twice, before I came to my senses and realized that I HAD to buy it. I imagine one day, I’ll find that special lady, who is willing to throw this thing on, and I will laugh and laugh. And then ask her to marry me. Marconi remarked that it’s a bit like Cindarella’s slipper, which I think is right on the money. Many may try it, but only one will be able to wear it… here’s hoping.

L: I think Alienwhere should wear this wifebeater himself.