The Proliferation of Stupid License Plates

A: According to a source living deep within the confines of the South, it costs only a few dollars more to get yourself a vanity plate when you get your license plates from D of MV. Needless to say, the inexpensive nature of such a luxury, coupled with the staggering level of jackassery and the inescapable need for idiots to express some uninteresting facet of their personalities results in a game we in the van call Passing Vanity. Here are some of the mindblowers we’ve found so far.

A: LUV 2B - I’d love to be as witty as you! How many other plates did you pass up to settle on this comic gem?

L: LUV to be what?

A: JDNZDAD - “Jaden’s Dad”? – Uh, really? You’re bragging? Jaden’s a little bitch who teases retarded children at school incessantly. Nice parenting job, jerk.

L: I wonder if Jaden’s mom has a JDNZMOM plate.

A: FESTOR - Clearly an Addam’s Family fan, although a mildly illiterate one.

L: [?]

A: TRUCK - Seen on a truck, would have been that much funnier on a different vehicle type.

L: Yes. I would’ve gotten this for my car.

A: INUNEZ - Celebrating Latino heritage in the spirit of Isaac Asimov.

L: No comment.

A: N2LOW1S - “Into Low Ones”? – Seen on a “Fast and the Furious” type aftermarket-addled POS. Driven by an equally asinine person, texting furiously as he does 75 mph, because risking it all is what it’s all about.

L: Dumb. I’m N2 lots of things, myself…But this one took us a minute to actually figure out.

A: ITSFATE - What’s fate? Being a moron? Driving a piece of garbage on a backwoods interstate? Or the fact that if we meet in person I may kill you where you stand when the stupid leaving your mouth reaches my ears?

L: Even douchebags have fates.

A: HSING - Banged-up old BMW, driven by a hot Asian girl. I got nothing. She was cute.

L: I missed that one.

A: GTZFMLY - “Gets Family”? “Gits Family?” “Get Z off Emily”? WTF?

L: One of my pet peeves are vanity plates that make no sense to me.

And a banger from the hotel parking lot:

A: TOPLES - convertible, presumably driven by an absolute trainwreck of a woman, smelling of Newports, vodka, and the absolute worst cheap perfume Walgreen’s has to offer.

L: I never saw the driver of this vehicle, but convinced Alienwhere to get a photo. While in the van resuming our trip and now blogging, Elle went into great detail of what this woman looked like. And yes. Total trainwreck.

[Wait. Did we just pass the exit for Dollywood]?